Friends Forever, I swear this time I mean it
by MoreHeartThanAche
Summary: 16 years can change people. Especially Johnny Curtis-Jones. Sequel to 'Friends Forever, it's just words'
1. Chapter 1: Big bad reality

_**Well hello there, here we all are again. This is the unanticipated sequel to 'Friends Forever, it's just words'**_

_**I suggest you read the first one before reading this so you know what is going on**_

_**I do hope you will enjoy it as much as last time's story. Now the title of the story goes out to 'Shinedown Killer'**_

_**They suggested it through the comments page of the last story and it sorta fit. Okay well, On with the story I say.**_

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><p>"Hey Dad, you seen my math book?" I asked<p>

"No, did you check your school bag." Dad replied

"I might have left it round at Pony's then since I was round there last night." I said shuffling through my school things

"Okay, why don't you go check?" My dad said

"Sure I'll see you in half an hour, maybe more." I said pulling my old battered converse on

I walked out the door slamming it shut behind me, it was habit slamming it shut. I'd done it since I was young enough to shut a door. Dad said I picked it up off of Two-Bit since he slammed the door shut every time he came over. I had a bit of a walk to Pony's house since we were living border west side and Pony still lived on the east side. In the house he grew up in. it was also the house Darry and my dad grew up in. I think it's pretty cool to be so close. I don't have any brothers or sisters.

I kinda get a bit shifty when I head further into the east side, I've always known it was rough. I've never been jumped (thank god) but it's touch and go in my case. A Goth, middle class boy in the east side. Not the best thing in the world. I've always been small and quick, I can run like the wind when I have to. Which is, quite frankly, quite rare, I barely ever have to run. Like I've said I've never been jumped and don't want to break that.

I quickly jog the rest of the way to Pony's house 'cause some boys were giving me not very encouraging looks, it made me kinda nervous. But I've always been a little bit nervous. Not a fan of big crowds either. Not that I'm ever in big crowds, not many friends, small and select. I can just walk into Pony's house which is good 'cause if I ever have a fight with my dad I can just crash at his place.

"Hey Ponyboy, you in?" I call as I walk in

"Yeah Jonathan. In the kitchen." He shouts back

Ponyboy is the only person in my family who doesn't call me Johnny. It kinda bugs me in a way, I've never liked Jonathan, it's so prim and posh I think. I walk in he's standing by the oven, I think he's making a cake. Now that was a family habit. Cake for breakfast. Even I do it that way, maybe it's 'cause my dad's always been a fan of it too.

"Did I leave my math book here last night?" I asked

"Yeah, it's in the living room. Right where you left it." he says

"Nice." I say sarcastically

I go into the living room and by god the math book _is _exactly where I left it. It's kinda unnerving that but oh well. I look around, there are a few books scattered here and there. Pictures and notepads but it's kinda bear in a way. I pick up one of the notepads flipping through the pages, just notes a few doodles nothing major.

"How's the novel going Pony?" I ask

"Nearly done, second last chapter." He calls back

It's cool to have the famous P.M Curtis as your uncle, but no one really knows it 'cause my surname is 'Curtis-Jones' (combo of my mum and dad's name). Ponyboy came back into the living room a few seconds later. I put the notebook down.

"Me and dad are gonna visit Darry later, you wanna come."I asked

"No It's okay, I went up yesterday." He said

I nodded slowly, I don't like visiting Darry, it kinda upsets dad and then for the rest of the day he's all quiet and uncanny.

"I gotta go, I said to dad that I'd only be and half and hour, hour at the most. I'll see you later then Ponyboy." I say and head for the door

"Yeah see you later Jonathan."He says

I walk briskly down the street and head back to my house. When somebody shouts:

"Hey you stupid Goth."

I walk faster. Not gonna get jumped, one goal in life.

"Get back here, I'm not done it you."

I run all the way back to my house. Dad looks at me strangely. But doesn't say anything. Nothing new there.

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><p><em><strong>Boring first chapter I am sorry. But please don't kill me. R&amp;R please, I've tried my best<strong>_

_**It'll get better I promise.**_

_**R&R, bye! 'Till next time.**_


	2. Chapter 2: Graveyard Run

_**Well here's chapter 2, hopefully it's a little better than the first chapter. I should have mentioned that Johnny doesn't talk a whole load, he's quite like Johnny Cade. Also Since I'm writing this on my laptop the perspective of the lengths of chapters is a bit off. Also Johnny does a whole load of explaining which is why there isn't a lot of dialogue, Okay. enjoy chapter 2**_

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><p>We stood solemnly by the gravestone. It had been the second I had visited that day, dad had visited five already, he's only 32 and he's known five people who had died. That's rough. His parents, his two friends, my mum and Darry. How unfortunate is that. Darry died two years ago; an accident at work was what they told us. It hit ad and Ponyboy hard, they've lost so many people in their lives, more than many would be able to handle. I place the single flower on Darry's grave and we walk on. I was fourteen when Darry died, I didn't know him too well. Not like I know Ponyboy, next to my dad, I know Pony best. Darry was just there, he was the academic one. I remember my fourteenth birthday, two months before Darry died. He gave me a silver cross, not so much as a religious thing, more a Goth thing. I wear it when ever we go the graveyard.<p>

"You coming Johnny." Dad asked

"No I'm gonna go visit my mum one last time, I'll walk home." I said

Dad patted my shoulder and walked away, his hands in his pockets. I go back to my mums grave, we've already been here but it's my mum and I'd rather pay more respects to her than anyone else. From what I've been told she was a fighter and went through so much. I sit next to the gravestone. I've this weird habit of talking to my mum like she's there even though she's six feet under the ground.

I've only been sitting for a few minutes when the sky darkens and it begins to rain lightly. I pull my hood up of my jacket and make for home. I have to walk through the east side to get to my house, I think about going into Ponyboy's house and waiting until the rain stops. But the door's locked when I try to get in. Looks like I'm walking home in the rain. I walk two blocks and then somebody shouts my name. I turn and see my friend Kevin. He's tall and he's got black hair and grey eyes. I've known his since elementary school.

"Hey Johnny, what you up too." Kevin says

"Trying to get home and not get soaked which is exactly what I'm doing since I'm talking to you." I say sharply

"Whoa man, sorry. I was just wondering," Kevin says "you wanna come to my house, you can phone your dad to pick you up."

"Nah, I'll be okay. I'll just walk." I say, still getting wet

"Where were you anyway?" Kevin asks walking next to me

"The graveyard." I say shortly my voice trailing off

"Is that to do with this Goth thing." Kevin says loosely

"No," I snap "I was visiting people, which is more than you do."

"Oh right Darry and your mum, sorry. I'll see you later," Kevin says and he turns away but stops and turns back to me "Johnny, I'd watch your back if I were you. Dougie McKinley got out yesterday."

I nodded slowly and turned away to continue walking while thinking about Dougie. He's a total psycho who lives on the east side. He hates anybody who doesn't live on the east side and anybody who doesn't grovel at his feet if they live on the east side. He's a real idiot. Been in and out of jail fuck knows how many times. He hates me real good, it's only 'cause I called him a brainless monkey in gym class once. I ended up with a bloody nose and black eye that day. I can't understand why the school doesn't kick him out, he's always getting into fights and ditching, swearing at teachers and so on.

I get real edgey as I go under the underpass, some people are hanging around, I pull my hood lower over my face and pick up a little bit of speed.

"Hey that's that Gothic bitch who walked away from us yesterday." Somebody jeers

_Walk don't look back walk, run if you have to _I tell myself. I go to turn the corner when somebody grabs me and slams me against a wall. Shit mother fucker. Dougie!

"Hey Dougie."I say sheepishly

"What have I said Jonesy about coming over here." Dougie says

"I've not... not t-to" I say

"Damn right, Dougie says "c'mon let's teach this little shit, what the term territory actually means."

Territory, he's been out for one day and he's beating the shit out of me for _territory _man this guy's fucked up. Maybe something went wrong in his brain but he's well fucked.

Damn, his punches hurt, again and again against my face, I've always been small and a little bit weak. I'm skinny and sorta frail. It's probably 'cause I was premature when I was born. But I fight back as valiantly as I can. I still loose badly though. Again with the face, it bloody and swollen when he's done. God my head is gonna be kicked in by my dad who always told me not to get into fights. I'm a little trouble magnet. I spilt a lot of blood out of my mouth and run the last while to my house. Run past my dad and into the bathroom so he doesn't see.

"Johnny," my dad says knocking the door "you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm okay." I say

I was the blood off my face and come out of the bathroom. By the look on my dad's face, he isn't impressed by what happened. But he's never quiet happy with me. There's always this hint of sadness in his voice when he calls me Johnny. Same with Two-Bit and Darry too. Everybody always seemed sad, except for Ponyboy. He never says my name with sadness. He says it was something else.

Remorse, maybe...

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><p><em><strong>How was that, I hope it was okay. I dunno. R&amp;R flames, they will be used to light a bonfire. Bye \(^.^)Z<strong>_


	3. Chapter 3: Friendship rules

_**Hey look I know I haven't been updating but I've hit a bit of a writers block and it's really annoying, this chapter was a challenge to put up but I'd like to thank My Simple Plan Rulez for the ideas in this chapter. Cheers mate! Well enjoy. Also welcome the return of Steve, but he's a little different than you may remember. It has been 16 years though.**_

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><p>I wish the weekend wouldn't end, I can't stand school. It's mainly 'cause I'm pretty dumb. Still Sundays aren't too bad. I lie looking at the ceiling for a while before hauling myself outa bed. I walk into the kitchen to see Steve standing by the sink. God how I hate Steve Randle. Total utter fag and I hate him, he's always got something to say against me. But he's been friends with dad since they were kids.<p>

"Oh no, it's you." I groaned

"Good god what happened to your face!" Steve exclaimed, with a hint of humour in his voice

"Oh my god what happened to your face. Oh wait, it's always been that ugly, shut it bitch." I snap

Steve's eyes narrow and I scoot back to my bedroom, what's he doing here anyway, hasn't he got a home of his own to bum around in. I can hear my dad speaking to Steve, how they ever became friend is beyond me. I go back out of my room and hopefully he won't say anything.

"So I'm a bitch am I Johnny." Steve says

"I didn't say that." I lie

"Did you now." my dad says

"No, Steve's lying." I say

"You know Johnny, you're a very bad liar." My dad says

"Okay, I did call Steve a bitch," I paused "only because he is." and I ran out of the room

A while later Steve left and I was still in my room because I really didn't want to face my dad because he was probably gonna kill me for cussing out his best friend. My dad knocked on my door twice before entering. He stood by the door for a few minutes before speaking:

"You know," Dad said "I don't accept language like that nor do I want to hear you cussing out my friends again."

I rolled my eyes, it wasn't the first time I had been told off for swearing in the house, I've got a mouth like a sailor. What did I care about my dad's friends, I never really got on with them except from Two-Bit, but he got on with everybody. I sighed and turned around:

"You know dad, I don't really care. I _really _don't. He's your friend not mine so why should I care?" I said

"Jonathan," my dad said slowly "shut up."

I grinned, and rolled my eyes again but in a jokingly way. I waited for my dad to leave the room before shoving on my jeans, I was gonna go find Kevin. I made it to the door when my dad appeared behind me.

"Oh yeah Johnny I was gonna ask. What did happen to your face?" he asked

"Fight."I answered shortly and slipping on my trainers I left.

I ran down the street so he wouldn't catch me and pull me up for fighting, well it wasn't really a fight. It was a more grab me and hit me other than me fighting back. I found Kevin rather quickly, he was hanging down by the old rail yard, which I wasn't actually allowed in but it was pretty cool. Kevin was swinging his legs while he sat on one of the old freight carts.

"Fancy meeting you here." He said

"Oh ha ha. What do you wanna do?" I asked

"I know." he pointed over to the old guard hut that had long since been left

I shook my head. I wasn't allowed in the rail yard but I went,the only thing I avoided with my life (other than Dougie) was the guard hut at the rail yard. The hut was a three story building with a room at the top. Two years ago some kid fell from the third story onto her head and broke her neck. Let's just say she died on impact. Kevin is bonkers crazy and seems to have no fear. But this was something that I wasn't gonna participate in today.

"No," I said"just no Kevin. I'm gonna get in trouble as it is if my dads find out. I'd rather not die too."

"Yeah your dad might be mad. But oh well. As for dying that girl fell because she sat on the window ledge and fell out. We're not that stupid, come do let me do it alone." Kevin begged

I rolled my eyes and sighed, trust Kevin to start begging. But I couldn't abandon my friend.

"Fine, but if anybody finds out it was your idea. Which it was." I said

"Sure Johnny." Kevin said and we made our way to the guard hut.

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><p><strong>Dun dun dun, what's gonna happen next, I dunno something. Well I hope you enjoyed that and sorry for it's shortness but R&amp;R anyway!<strong>

**Also as I was helped with the chapter, I struck a deal with MSPR (my simple plan rulez) and that was to ask if you could check out her story 'Everything in between'**


	4. Chapter 4: The stpidity of JCJ

_**Sorry for the sucky chapters but I am in deep crap, I can't write to save my life. The only half decent thing I've been able to write lately was a POEM for English class and even then I personally think it wasn't that good. If anybdy has any suggestions that I could use I would be most grateful! **_

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><p>The guards hut on the outside looked a bit like a cylo, you know where they store like wheat or corn or something. Inside it was more interesting, the ground floor had an old broken desk that still had old keys and stuff in its drawers. The keys were all rusted and broken and the drawer handles broke off when Kevin grabbed on them. The second floor had a hole in the middle of it's floor which we carefully skirted round.<p>

"That wouldn't be too bad a fall, only if you caught yourself on the edges then it would hurt." Kevin said as we climbed the next set of stairs

I nodded in agreement and looked back at the hole before following Kevin. The top floor had windows all around it and you could see for miles. It was pretty cool. Kevin was sitting on the window ledge. So much for not being stupid.

"I thought you weren't stupid." I said while fiddling with an old gas lamp

"I'm not and the window isn't open, I'm just admiring the view." Kevin said

"Good and let's keep it that way, I'd rather not have my best friend dead. Especially since it would be on my head since I was here." I said sharply

Kevin just laughed at me,_ idiot_ I though to myself. I walked over to Kevin, who was still sitting on the window ledge, when the floor gave a violent crunch.

"This floor couldn't fall in could it Kevy?" I asked

"It's not before has it. But there's a first time for everything." Kevin said hopping off the window ledge next to me

"Thanks for setting my mind at ease." I said dully

We walked back down the stairs onto the second floor, Kevin sat with his legs dangling in the hole. It looked over the edge, it really wasn't that big a fall but if you did fall, it was straight onto that old desk. That would hurt. The hole itself really wasn't that big or wide but a misplaced jump and you'd fall.

Kevin suddenly jumped up, his grey eyes shining, he was grinning widely. He reminded me of Two-Bit.

"Watch this." Kevin said

He took three steps back, running he jumped over the hole in the floor. I think Kevin's a mind reader. He looked at me expectantly.

"Go on Johnny. Jump." Kevin said

"No Kevin, I'd rather not." I said

"Chicken. Sissy." Kevin countered

I turned, I had always hated being called a chicken, I never really punked out of anything and I wasn't going to start now. I turned to face Kevin who was laughing at me. I turned and ran but I came in from and angle and I missed the other side of the hole. Kevin went to grab on to me to pull me up but he slipped to and we both fell. I banged my side painfully on the edge of the hole before both me and Kevin fell one story below.

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><p>Kevin was still holding onto me when we fell onto the ground below. I fell heavily on my side still grabbing onto Kevin. I just closed my eyes, it was beyond sore this. I just wanted to die. I could hear Kevin sifting about and groaning. Then he sat up pulling me up too.<p>

"Damn that hurt." Kevin said standing up

"You think, try banging your side on the wood." I said sharply

"C'mon we should get going." Kevin said

I stood up and was joined by a sharp pain in my side, that was when Kevin shouted out:

"Holy shit Johnny, you're bleeding."

I looked down and sure enough where I had been lying there was droplets of blood, it was a goo thing I was wearing a dark t-shirt because the blood that I could feel running down my side was not showing through just making my t-shirt very wet. Kevin lifted the edge of my t-shirt, it wasn't a deep cut just a shallow one, good thing that then.

"What will your dad say?" Kevin asked

"He's not going to say anything, 'cause I'm not going to tell him." I said

"Yeah okay, fair enough, let's go." Kevin said

It hurt when I walked but I didn't care, just as long as my dad didn't find out. Kevin and me split because he had to take a different route home. So I walked, well more stumbled, home myself. Nobody was in when I got home so I locked myself in the bathroom. Pulling off the blooded t-shirt I saw what I had actually done to myself when I fell. So help me god.

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><p>"Anybody home?" the familiar voice of Two-Bit Matthews could be heard<p>

"Er, yeah Two-Bit, I'm home." I called quickly

I had bandaged up the cut in my side. I came out of the bathroom and quickly ran into my room to shove on a clean t-shirt making a mental note to ditch the other one. I walked into the living room where Two-Bit was lounging on the couch.

"Hey Two-Bit, what brings you by?" I asked sitting in the arm chair

"I can to see Soda but he ain't in." Two-Bit said

"So what's wrong with my company?" I said jokingly

"Oh nothing." Two-Bit said

Two-bit was as much my friend as dad's and he was good company, if he ever came over and he was drunk he was the one often to tell me about things that happened when he and my dad was a kid along with Darry and Ponyboy.

"You wanna hang around, I'm sure my dad won't be long." I said getting up

"Sure kid." Two-Bit said

I walked into my room and over to the mirror, I could feel bruises pulsing on my side, it was sore. I pulled up my t-shirt and was met with the sight of one half of my whole torso covered in black and blue bruises. Looks as though hiding this from my dad was going to be harder than I expected.

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><p><em><strong>Yeah again I apologise if the chapter wasn't that great. But review anyway, it might help me get over this hole I've dug in my brain. see ya<strong>_**:)**

**(I go back t school on the 9th January so any time after that my updates might not be as regular, but the chapters might be better)**


	5. Chapter 5: Bruised and suspicion

_**Hey people, chapter 5 eh, that's good. Enjoy!**_

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><p>I stayed in my room rest of the day, telling my dad I didn't feel like eating. I guess he though I was sick or something because he laid his hand on my forehead. I simply told him that I wasn't sick just not hungry. He still seemed concerned but being my dad he was used to my odd behaver. I fell asleep early and woke up early. Half three or so. When I woke up I could see where I had been lying there were spots of blood, shit. The t-shirt I was wearing was also covered in blood.<p>

I quickly pulled on another t-shirt and pulled the sheet off my bed, how I was going to explain this was beyond me. I was still awake and fretting when my dad woke up and came in to see if I was awake.

I had school too that day, damn Monday's. Looking at my time table I saw that I had gym third period. Now the fact the half my body looked like a black and blue poppy field wasn't going to be the best look for when I had gym.

I walked to school since it was close, but it might have been a mistake since it hurt a lot to walk. But I managed to survive the first two periods without fault, it was gym class that worried me. The changing rooms were communal changing rooms and it was rather unnerving, but by your Sophomore year you got used to it. I quickly shoved on my t-shirt before too many people caught a glimpse of me. Then I realised we were doing football. By god it hurt that day, not that it didn't any other day. There are some serious sports freaks in my gym class.

Now I do track running, I'm small for my age, skinny too. I apparently take after my mum and dad who are (and was) like me as a teen too. Thank god were weren't doing any of the physical stuff for football today, we have five minutes between getting changed and the bell going for lunch.

I nearly got off scott free, I waited until the last person had left changing room before getting changed myself, but then my teacher came in to see if anybody was left and just as I pulled on my t-shirt he came in.

"Jonathan, what happened to you." my teacher, Mr Gallagher, asked

"Er nothing." I said sheepishly and tried to leave but he caught me by my shoulder

"Not so fast, wait there, what happened Jonathan?" He asked again looking at me in the eye

"Seriously sir, nothing. Can I go now." I said

"It isn't nothing Jonathan, half your body is covered in bruises." he said

"Look it isn't really any of your business." I said sharply

"I know but if anything is wrong, you know, you always have to tell somebody if things aren't right." he said

Then I relised what he was saying.

"You think my dad abuses me?" I said raising an eye brow (thank you Two-Bit)

"Well, let's not dwell on that matter." he said, which meant he did

"You're wrong sir, so wrong." I said and ran off down the corridor in much discomfort

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><p>I caught up with Kevin at lunch. He was smoking outside.<p>

"You took your sweet time," he looked at me carefully "hey what's up Johnny."

"Mr Gallagher thinks, get this, my dad abuses me. Our little escapade down to the guard hut has got half my body looking like it was painted with black and blue paint. That's what's up." I snapped

It took Kevin a few moments for this to sink in and then he bit his lip, he does that when he gets agitated.

"What do you think he'll do?" Kevin asked

"I dunno, hopefully nothing." I said

"Sure, it'll come to nothing." Kevin said giving me a playful punch

I smiled at my friend, he sure knows how to cheer people up.

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><p><em><strong>So how was that, please R&amp;R. I really would enjoy your feed back, please, it makes me happy <strong>_**:)**

_**Also my friend Zade made me a wonderful trailer for this story, I'll put a link up in my profile or if you want it before then just PM. Well see ya!**_


	6. Chapter 6: Keep Out

_**WOW, the new Mission Imposible is very good, I saw it today. Well anyway, new chapter, happy about that and the feedback I'm getting! Loving it, please let it continue! Also visit my profile I've got a link to a wonderful trailer that my friend Zade made for me.**_

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><p>My worry gave way to anger later that dad, I was flipping out over the simplest of things. So I mainly kept to myself. I finished my homework in record time and then tried to keep myself occupied to keep nasty thoughts, that circled my head, away. I was very quiet over dinner and didn't eat much and this was odd because, like my dad, usually you couldn't fill me up or shut me up. He twigged on it too.<p>

"What's up Johnny eh?" he asked

"Er nothing." I said

I didn't say much more through out the evening I was still pissed over the fact that my teacher though I was being abused, it really got to me. My dad, he never got drunk, never did drugs and would never dream of hitting me. Now that I think about it, it was Kevin's fault, I followed him. Why did I follow him. Looking at my bruised body in the mirror, they looked even more alarming in the dim light against my pallid skin.

"Hey Johnny, I'm going down to Pony's, you wanna come" dad called

"Nah, I've got homework to do." I called back

"I thought you had done it." dad called back

"I'm going back over my maths stuff." I shouted

Gathering from the non-existent reply he didn't mind. Now I didn't have any homework, I _had _done it. I just wanted to sit in the dark for a while, I had given myself a headache worrying so much. I could now feel the dull thumping at the front of my head. I guess I fell asleep at my desk 'cause I woke up momentarily when dad lifted me to my bed, but I was dead to the world seconds after.

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><p>The next day in school things went steeply downhill. Dougie was back in and was causing havoc in the lunch hall which caused all the stragglers out to get into trouble (that included me and and Kevin, who I was still slightly pissed at) I was close to getting detention because I was late for chemistry (blame that on my history teacher who was moaning at me 'cause of my abysmal test mark) but that didn't top it.<p>

Final bell of the day went and all I wanted to do was run to my locker and run home, I was sick of everything to do with school, I wanted out. I was a few minutes away from my locker when the oh so familiar figure of Dougie stepped into my path.

"Hey Johnny, long time." he said grinning menacingly

"Shove off Dougie, I've no time for your shit today." I said and I pushed past him.

"Gothic bitch, you deserve to die." Dougie shouted

I didn't care, he should learn to keep out of peoples faces and keep his hands off people. Maybe if he'd take a step back, he'd see what an utter jackass he is. I pulled open my locker and shoved all the books I didn't need in my locker and every one I did need in my bag. Then Kevin appeared, I was at my wits end with him. He'd been pissing me off all day.

"Hey Johnny, what's up?" he asked

"What's it too you Kevin, god can't you keep your nose out." I snapped and slammed my locker shut

"Man Johnny, no need to be so snappy. I was only wondering." Kevin said shortly

"Yeah, well if you didn't always ask what was up maybe I wouldn't be so snappy." I snapped again

I went to stalk off down the corridor but I suddenly hit the deck and my stuff went flying, I looked up to see Kevin looking like he was ready to kill.

"You really are an asshole Johnny, I try to be nice and friendly but you just shove it away. Fuck you man." Kevin said and he walked off his hands in his pockets

People were staring at me and it was kinda unnerving, I hate people staring at me. I went to walk out of the school building but:

"Hey Jonathan. Wait."

God must hate me, I just wanted to go home, was that to much to ask

"Yeah, what is it?" I asked my patience wearing thin

"I was wondering if there is anything I can help you with. Anything you'd like to tell me with?" Mr Gallagher asked

"Yeah," I said suddenly sick of everything "keep out of my life. I am sick to the back teeth of people always asking me what is up and if there is something to tell them. Fuck, I just want to go home. Is that too much to ask. I don't get abused, I just want to be left alone!"

"Johnny I only wanted to help." Mr Gallagher said looking slightly embarrassed

"I never asked you too, you jumped to feckin' conclusions!" said and I ran out of the school and down the street

Hell, I'd give anything to be left alone for a few minutes just not to be annoyed. Nobody to ask me what was wrong or what was up. Anything.

"Jonathan!" Somebody shouted my name

"Fuck off, I don't give two shits!" I yelled

And instantly regretted it.

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><p><em><strong>Happy days are here again, was it okay I hope you liked it and any feedback is very much appreciated! <strong>_

**_Well catch y'all later! _:) **


	7. Chapter 7: Betrayal

_**Hey guys, I got this done faster than expected since I had it roughly planned out and I knew where it was going, which I should since it is my story lol. Well I hope you like and stuff. **_**:)**

**It's a little bit short, sorry for that in advance.**

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><p>I swear my blood turned to ice when I saw who shouted my name. Kevin was walking towards me all sick smiles and swagger. He was looking mad, no worse, he looked dangerous. His grey eyes were blazing fire.<p>

"Kevin?" I asked quizzically

"Didn't expect that did you." Kevin sneered

I was backing away. Now I had a hunch that my _friend _was mad at me.

"I'm sick of you Johnny," Kevin said "sick of living in your shadow."

"What!" I shouted "when have you ever lived in my shadow, if anything it's the other way around." I was still mildly confused

Kevin, he had been my friend since I was young and here he is looking as though he could draw a gun and shoot me with no second though. Wow, his moods change quicker than a girl PMSing.

"You're re crazy, I never did anything to you."I said honestly, fear creeping up my spine

That was when the first blow struck, Kevin (who I never knew possessed such strength) punched me hard across the face. I rubbed my jaw gingerly, blood was already running down my face.

"What's you problem dude." I shouted

"You are," Kevin growled "You know how long I've been wanting to do this, Johnny? I hate you. I've hated you all along."

What the fuck was up with this guy, he was my friend one moment and now it seems he's my enemy. Sure, I had been acting like a jackass most of the day,but Kevin was being really insensitive by saying stuff about families and such. He's lucky to have a mum at all, I never knew mine at all. The only way I had found out about my mum _was _because of Two-Bit, Ponyboy and my dad. Kevin is full of shit and I always knew it. He been temperamental since I met him, now I think he's down right crazy.

Kevin pulled me into an alley and pushed me to the ground and sat on my chest. He started to punch my face as hard as he could (which was very hard). I could feel my eyes fill with tears and trickle down my face all while trying to convince myself that this wasn't Kevin, this wasn't my friend who had always been there for me. Kevin would never do this too me, but he was.

"Kevin, please." I whined but that earned me a punch in the face.

Drawing a blade from his pockets he ran it across my my skin, but not hard enough to break the skin, I could feel the hairs on my neck rise. Something wrong, dreadfully wrong. Kevin placed the blade on my face and with agonizing slowness, he cut brought the knife down in painful slash across my cheek. I could feel the blood running down my face and soaking my hair. It made me feel sick, the smell of blood around me.

Kevin was grinning sickeningly at me, his grey eyes no longer were full of fire, but were wild and wild, like a lion that has sighted an antelope. He continued to kick, punch and slash me until the ground was wet with blood, _my blood_, and so was Kevin's hands. Suddenly Kevin started shaking, he dropped the blade he had been holding and his face no longer looked angry and wild, but bewildered and confused. _Scared. _

"What... have..." Kevin stuttered

My body was on fire, I was slipping in and out of consciousness,Kevin was on his knees and it looked as though he was crying too, wiping the blood on his trousers.

"Kevin." I said weekly looking up

"Johnny... I-I.." He stuttered and then ran off

I let my head fall against the ground and I slipped into blackness, almost gratefully.

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><p><em><strong>Bet you weren't expecting that.<strong>_

_**Sorry it was a bit short, I wanted to get it out before tomorrow because, w**__**ell, this is my last update for a week since I start school again tomorrow an' all that jazz. So yeah I won't be updating until either Friday or Saturday (probably the latter) As always reviews are always appreciated and so on. So yeah, see ya at the end of the week. Enjoy your Sunday :) xXSparky CadeXx away**_


	8. Chapter 8: Broken Down

**_I MIGHT MURDER MY NETBOOK! I was finished typing out this chapter and then as I went to save it went back which meant that what I hadn't saved got lost so I had to rewrite this chapter. I hope it's as good as the original!_**

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><p>~* Soda's POV *~<p>

I was pacing about the living room, where the hell was Johnny. He said he'd be home quick today. Ponyboy and Two-Bit were lounging on the couch neither of them seemed that bothered that Johnny wasn't home yet.

"You need to chill Soda." Pony said, his eyes following me like the way you'd watch a ball in a ping pong match

"Yeah man, he's probably just with Kevin." Two-Bit said

I stopped and looked over at Two-Bit, he didn't know of my dislike for Kevin. He seemed rather standoffish and annoying in my opinion.

"You know who, right now, you remind me off." Two-Bit said grinning

"Who?" I asked perplexed

"Darry, whenever Pony came in late, he's be pacing about the living room." Two-Bit said with a smile

"Not always." Pony said quietly gloomily, obviously remembering the night he and Johnny ran off

I smiled thinking about the times Pony and me came in late, Darry would throw a fit at us. Now those are the times we wish to remember back then they were things to be avoided. Strange how things can change over time. I flopped in between Pony and Two-Bit and sighed.

"I don't know what to do guys," I said " most of the time Johnny barley speaks. He's always daydreaming or reading. Then there are the times he won't say anything at all. He's always so quiet."

Two-Bit grinned and looked over at Ponyboy who looked confused at Two-Bit's sudden attention towards him.

"What" he asked

"Sounds just like you were as a kid Pony. Kitty too, she was always daydreaming." Two-Bit said still grinning

"Then there's no doubt he's a Curtis then." Pony laughed

I couldn't help but laugh too. Trust Two-Bit to pull the cord about how Kitty and Pony were as kids and how dreamy they were. Suddenly the phone went.

"Probably Johnny calling from Kevin's house." Pony said

I picked up the receiver and a formidable strict voice answered.

"Is this Sodapop Curtis?"

"Yes." I answered

"I believe your son Jonathan has been brought into Tulsa General Hospital." The voice said with no emotion at all

"What!" I exclaimed

"Could you please make your way there Sir."the voice said and hung up

I put the phone down and rested my head against the wall. Ponyboy was suddenly by my side

"What's wrong Soda?" Pony asked

"It's Johnny," I said weakly "he's been brought to hospital."my voice sounded odd

Right then my heart felt as though it was about to burst. It was the same helpless feeling I had the night the hospital called saying Pony was there after the fire. The same feeling when we were told Johnny died and the same feeling I had when we watched Dally die. The same feeling I had when Kitty died and I first held Johnny as a baby. I felt that feeling on and off in my life. It came when I was worried and scared to when I was proud and happy.

The strongest I had felt it was when I first held Johnny. And now he needed me and I needed him to be alright.

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><p>~* Johnny's POV *~<p>

My body ached and my head thumped. I could feel the blood running down my face in rivulets. I tried to open my eyes but each felt as though it weighed one hundred tons. I could hear footsteps and a very loud, panicked voice. It made my head feel worse. Why couldn't people stay quiet. Two-Bit.. quiet. If he was ever quiet, I must have died and gone to heaven. Somebody was touching my head and it hurt quiet a bit.

"Jezze Kid you okay."Somebody asked

I couldn't even reply my voice was gone, I just wanted to die, or at least sleep.

"Hang on kid I'm gonna phone an ambulance." the voice said

I found my voice too, I didn't want to go to hospital, I just wanted to be home. I didn't want my dad to be dragged into the position where we would have to explain what happened.

"No...no don't." I said before I started coughing

"Kid, you're really hurt, you need help." the voice said and I heard him run off

I was too weak to fight back so I just lay there, everything was slipping in and out of focus. My mind was all scrambled and I felt sick and dizzy. Why couldn't I just lose consciousness. It would save me a whole lot of pain and confutation. Suddenly there was a pounding of feet and the person who had went away came back.

"Kid, the ambulance is on the way. You're gonna be okay." The voice said

I was gonna be okay, you sure of that. Then I lost consciousness again, almost gratefully.

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><p>~* Two-Bit's POV *~<p>

Soda was panicking something bad. The way he was jumping and twitching was scaring me, I had only seen that one other time since I knew him and that was over 16 years ago. Pony had quietly told me what had happened over the phone. Soda drove like a maniac to the hospital and it was an all too familiar sight, the time we had been up here as a kid.

Pony looked as nervous as I did. I guess he never really got over the last time he was here. That was when Darry died 2 years ago. I was hanging back as Soda demanded to see Johnny. When we were young, the gang was always together. If one of us got hurt and ended up in hospital, we'd all come charging up. But then there was 8 of us now, of the original gang, there were only 3 of us at the hospital tonight.

Soda came and sat down next to Pony leaning his head in is hands, he was obviously now wanting to freak out too much.

"What's happening Soda?" Pony asked

"They won't let us see him, he's in a critical condition." he said those last two words quietly

The last time we herd those words I lost a friend and Soda and Pony lost a brother. The time before that it was Kitty, critical condition was what they told us. It's always what they tell us. Nothing else. It's unfair the way the treat some people around here.

We sat for what seemed like ages but it could have been only an hour. Nurses and doctors came in and out of the waiting room but nobody called for anybody's family. I could see the pain in Soda's eyes every time somebody came through the doors.

"Family of Jonathan Curtis-Jones."

Thank God.

"You all family." the nurse asked

"Yeah." Soda said slowly

She looked unsure but only sighed and beckoned us to follow her. The nurse led us to a small side room. And then walked away, no manners what so ever. Nice. Soda's hand was hovering over the door handle like he was unsure he wanted to go in. Pony place a comforting hand on Soda's shoulder. Opening the door Soda called out:

"Johnny?"

It was barely audible but we heard it

"Dad?"

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><p><strong><em>PHEW! That must be the longest chapter I've painfully coughed up so far!<em>**

_**takes about a billion painkiller pills**_

_**keels over from drug overdose**_

_**LoL!**_

_**Well, it was fun to write! **_

_**I've been secretly running away from **_Shinedown Killer _**because I don't want to be ninjafied, cuz if I was I wouldn't beable to update okay. **_

_**See ya later! **_**:)**


	9. Chapter 9: Name meanings

_**Yay for Saturday's, I love 'em. It give me plenty time to just chill, relax and write a lovely ol' chapter of my fanfiction! Also 20 reviews WOOHOO, it took me longer to get them on my other story. So that's a good thing. Anyway I'm sorry if this chapter is a little slow. Read it anyway, it's more of and explanation chapter**_

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><p>~* Johnny's POV *~<p>

I could see a light, you know people say that when you die you see a light well in reality I don't believe that sort of shit. I could feel the stitches in the side of my face and on my body, I was aching and would give anything to sleep again. Besides I was hurting, if I was dead it wouldn't hurt so right. I opened my eyes but and over headlight was really strong and irritated my eyes.

"You think he's waking up?"

That voice I recognised that voice, it was Two-Bit. I forceably opened my eyes through the seering white light ans sure enough he was there. My dad was there, so was Two-Bit, I could just make them out the bright light was hurting my eyes clearly I wasn't dead, so that was an upside.

"Johnny?" it was my dad's voice

"Dad?" My voice was weak

I just wanted to lie back and sleep for a long time, just let my aching body mend. How did I get here, the last thing I remember before this point was passing out in an alley somewhere in town. Time sure does fly when you aren't awake. I opened my eyes a little more, dad was standing above me, his face looked pained and there were tears in his eyes.

"What?" I asked

"It's okay Johnny." dad said his voice sounded compressed

"What... happened?" I asked, my mind was a little fuzzy

"I don't know, we just got a phone call saying you had been brought here." Dad said tightly

I could sort of remember what happened, I was jumped I think. Who was it...who was it...who. Kevin. My eyes flashed open, everything was so clear now. Or as clear as it was going to get. Kevin had jumped me, caught me and beaten me up. My head hurt thinking about it. Somebody's cool hand was placed against my face.

"Easy Johnnycake." Dad said and then he paused and looked away.

Ponyboy was standing against the wall, his green-grey eyes looked as though he had just been shot wide and pained. Two-Bit walked over to him and whispered to him and Pony left, glancing over his shoulder before leaving the room. Weird.

"Can you tell us anything Johnny?" Two-Bit asked

"Well..." I said weakly

"What is it Johnny?" dad asked

"I guess I've realised I can be the biggest prick to walk the earth," I said "but I know why it happened."

"Why it happened?" Two-Bit asked he looked confused

"I told somebody to get out of my face and stop asking me what was wrong," I hated myself now "I think they took it the wrong way."

"Who Johnny?" dad asked

"Kevin... it was Kevin... he...he did it." I said

I didn't want to say anything more, I looked at my dad, his eyes were wide with shock at first then his mood changed. It went from shock to anger. He looked away and stood up straight. His fists balled up and he walked out of the room looking angrier than ever.

"Be back in two minutes okay kid." Two-Bit said and he ran out of the room

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><p>~* Soda's POV *~<p>

I was angry, Johnny put his trust in a friend who turned around and stabbed him in the back. Two-Bit was standing behind me looking increasingly worried, for once his comical grin was completely lost, he looked a little lost himself. Awkward would be the way he look right now.

"Soda." Two-Bit said softly

"I'm gonna kill him Two-Bit, gonna rip his head from his shoulders and leave him lying in the street. He hurt Johnny and he isn't going to get away with it." I nearly yelled, I was mad enough to loose my head

"Soda, the kid's 16 if you went ahead and killed him you'd be shoved in jail and then what. If you were still 16 and it was 1965 then yeah you could go ahead and kill him and nobody would care. But you're not 16 and it's not 1965," Two-Bit stooped breathed and continued "You're 33, it's 1981 and right now your son needs you to be mature for him. Think about it, when Pony was 14 the number of times he ended up in hospital in a week. You said you'd do anything for your brother now you need to do the same for your son. Do it for Johnny and Kitty."

Kitty Jones. This is our son. I needed to be there for him. I placed my hands on either side of Two-Bit's shoulders. For once he was talking sense.

"Thanks Two-Bit I needed that pep talk." I said

"I know you needed it." Two-Bit said raising an eyebrow (he never lost that trick)

I took a deep breath and walked back into the room, Johnny was now lying on his side and that was when I caught sight of the stitches on the side of his face. The way they ran down his face greatly resembled Johnny's old scar. I couldn't let my own so end up like Johnny Cade. It wasn't going to end that way. He was better than that.

"Johnny." he turned around his deep green eyes were wide

"Why d'you call me Johnnycake?" he asked

"I can answer that." We turned to see Ponyboy standing in the door way

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><p>~* Pony's POV *~<p>

This was going to be awkward, from what Johnny knew already was that he had been named after friends who had died which is why his name was Jonathan Dallas Curtis-Jones. I walked forward and stood by Johnny.

"You know why your name is so long?" I asked

"Something to do with my mums friends old friends. But what's that to do with anything." Johnny quizzed

"Actually it has rather a lot to do with it. You see Johnny Cade was our friend, he was the same age as you are the now when he died. He loved your mum, but well let;s just say Kitty didn't feel the same way. She wanted him to just be friends."

"Dally Winston was Johnny's kinda role model but when Johnny died Dally committed a twisted form of suicide. When Kitty was picking your name she thought of our own Johnny. Then Dally. It was because they both died in place of both her and me. Johnny died saving a while after saving Kitty. And Dally died because he couldn't live without Johnny."

I stopped to look at Johnny whose wide green eyes were wide with tears.

"So I was named after two people who died for each other. But that doesn't explain why you freaked out when dad called me Johnnycake." Johnny said

"Johnny Cade, say it fast it sound like Johnnycake. It was his nickname and it meant a lot to me because he was the gangs Johnny. Like a lost puppy who had been kicked too many times." I said

"Is that why you hate calling me Johnny. I see it Ponyboy, the look in your eye when you say my name. That pause before you say it. Is that why?" Johnny asked

I looked over at Soda who was looking kinda awkward, he saw it too.

"I'm not going to die at 16, I'm going to better Johnny Cade. That's the truth." Johnny said and he said no more.

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><p><strong>O.o <em>Does Johnny hate Johnnycake. you will just have to wait until the next chapter! Sorry lol, well R&amp;R and I'll see y'all next week.<em>**


	10. Chapter 10: Enemy's as of now

_**Ugh, writers block. AGAIN! Sorry if the chapter's slow, I really am. But I'm just caught up in so much lately, this story is one of the farthest things from my mind (which is unusual since I'm usually always thinking about this) Also my chapter updates are slow because English class is really annoying. Grrrr. School in itself is really annoying!**_

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><p><em><em>That scar...

I had been discharged from hospital a week after I was brought in. can I say I was thankful for it, I think I had never been happier to see the front of my house. But it wasn't all good. I mean it was nice to be home and all but now, well, my dad became more protective of me and it began to get really annoying. The way he was always asking me questions. I couldn't go out for five minutes without him interrogating me when I came back. There was also Ponyboy, he came over the day after I was discharged, but there was now this sort of gap between us. I really wish he hadn't told me that my dad hadn't really loved my mum.

That scar...

The other thing was... well, must I explain it. Kevin scarred me, not only mentally but physically too. My face is now home to a scar that runs from the corner of my left eye to my cheek. I really don't understand how I could have been friends with Kevin, if I could go back and tell myself about what was going to happened, I am so sure I would keep clear away from him. Too bad that I can't time travel. A few of my other friends came by to see me, they told me my scar was tough (it really isn't). Two-Bit came by too, I think for once he was the one talking most sense. He told me about my dad's threat to kill Kevin. I mean, if anybody was going to kill the little fucker, it was gonna be me. And that is the truth.

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><p>Back to school.<p>

People who I never spoke to before started coming up to me. Girls started talking to me and my rep seemed to go up. I mean I was already quite well known, nephew of P.M Curtis, that was what I was known for. They don't know that my uncle had once been caught in the middle of a murder rap. But now people seem to know me as the kid who got beat up on the street corner but was left with a tough scar. I don't think it's anything to be proud of, especially since the person who did it to me keeps following me around like an annoyingly persistent puppy.

Kevin kept trying to talk to me. Tried to make it up; but I wasn't having it. He physically and mentally scarred me for life and it isn't something you get over easily. No wonder I wanted to steer clear of that little fucker.

"What do you want." I snapped after about the tenth time he tries to talk to me

"I want to apologise." Kevin said innocently

He wanted to apologise. He left me broken in the street. Left me to bleed out. Bruised and scarred. And now he thinks that he can just apologise. Fuck that.

"Apologise! I'd like a lot more than that you psychotic little motherfucker." I said walking away

"Johnny, please I don't want you as my enemy." Kevin pleaded running after me

Well he's a little too late for that, he became my enemy as soon as he jumped me.

"Listen Kevin. And listen close. I hate you. NO. I detests, hate, want to kill and mutilate you. Don't ever talk to me. Don't ever come near me or there will be hell to pay." I said sharply

"Fine, you stupid Gothic bitch. I guess Dougie was right, you do deserve to die." Kevin shouted

Common sense leaving me, I turned and punch Kevin straight in the face. As small as I was I had some strength in me. Kevin landed on the floor blood dripping down his face. He looked at me with his small eyes. Right now my usually light green eyes felt as though they could burn holes through people's head. I no longer hated Kevin as I did. I wanted him dead.

I walked away my head in the air, who was to tell me what was right and wrong. I felt this new feeling,it could be adrenaline, but it was stronger, it made me feel powerful. Maybe this is what power felt like. I had always been the over looked and underestimated one. So to be on top... it was different. Goodbye innocence.

I walked home feeling like a different person. My thoughts wandered to a conversation that I had heard, it was between my dad and Ponyboy.

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><p><em>The conversation<em>

"_It's odd that Kitty called Johnny's middle name Dallas." Two-Bit said_

"_How is it odd, Kitty called Johnny after her, our, two friends. One she had been deadly close with and the other who. Well yeah you got me, it was odd that she called him Dallas." dad said_

"_I sure hope he doesn't turn out like Dally. I mean he was bad enough, a repeat of that would kill, eh Soda." Two-Bit said jokingly _

"_He's a Curtis. Since when have we ever been like Dallas Winston." dad said_

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><p>Dallas Winston, his name sounded tough and cool. Maybe I should stop using Jonathan and start using Dallas as my first name. Dallas Curtis-Jones. It sound just as cool. But I am far from tough and cool, I am skinny with white blonde hair that makes my skin look alarmingly pale. Green eyes that can turn dark. I'm not tough or cool. So maybe I should stop pretending.<p>

I turn into my street and look at all the houses and then stop on front of my own. I keep walking. I don't want to go home yet, I need time to reminisce.

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><p><strong><em>Sorry if it was shit. Just make my day by reviewing. It would hopefully help me get out of this awful mood. <em>:( _Well catch y'all later _**

**xXSparky CadeXx away...**


	11. Chapter 11: My life

_**YAY I HIT 30 REVIEWS! OMG. I've never had that on myany of my stories! So yeah that made me feel better so anyway**__** this is only a short chapter, I want to make you see a different side of Kevin. I think this appropriate since so far you've seen Kevin as a heartless little shit (pardon my language) well enjoy it anyway.**_

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><p>~* Kevin's POV *~<p>

So Johnny didn't want to be friends. All those times I had stood by him and looked out for him. He really got on my nerves, always pushing people away. Lording over everybody like lord muck. I had enough. I was brave enough to stand up to him. Why hadn't I killed him when I had the chance. Why didn't I do it. Because he's my friend. Even if he treats me like shit, he's still my friend. Right.

WRONG.

I swear the next time I see him I might kill him. Properly, throw my hands around his neck and choke him. She him suffer. No need to spill blood this time. But he's being watched, by him family and the school. He dies or gets hurt something is gonna be done. I don't want to be charged with murder. Locked up at 16.

No I won't kill him, just let him kill himself. He'll do it soon enough I'm sure. I mean in the state he's in, it would be no wonder if he took a knife to his wrist. Maybe his neck. Killed himself, then I wouldn't get the blame. It wouldn't be my fault.

_Listen to yourself man, you're talking about killing your friend._

That voice had been nagging away at me for days, ever since I hurt Johnny. That was what stopped me in the first place. That voice. It caused me to stop, to stop attempting to kill my friend. To stand outside of virtue, watch it all play out go a little bit crazy. It isn't the end my friend, not in the slightest. He's gonna get it, maybe throw him in front of a car. Innocence left me a long time ago. Johnny's lucky. He's got money. I haven't; my family don't. He's the nephew of P.M Curtis. I'm the son of a loser and a drunk. What causes have I to explain.

I hang around the school until everybody has left and then I go home. I walk by Johnny's house, taking the long way round. Just letting every thought and feeling sink in. Staying away from him will be hard. But if I do go near him, there is the chance I might end up dead. I know from past experience that Johnny never goes back on his words. He's really truthful and determined.

_And you're not Kevin. You're a bad person and a loser _

I hate it.

I finally get to my house and open the door. The familiar smell of cigarettes and booze confronts me. I see my dad sprained out, passed out on the couch. Why couldn't I have a decent dad, or at least a brother that I could talk too. Maybe that's why I wanted to be friends with Johnny. So I would have somebody to talk to.

_Yeah but look at you now, you're all alone._

I slam the door of my bedroom and fall to the ground clutching my head. I hate myself for what I did to johnny. I mentally scared him, I never meant to. But now what is there to do. He never wants to talk to me, see me and to have anything to do with me again. And I don't blame him.

"Kevin you home." my dad calls from the living room

"Yeah dad." I call back

"Good," he says "get in here."

I get up slowly and walk into the living room. My dad chucks an empty packet of cigarettes at me and glares.

"I thought I told you to get me some more." he says

_Fight back Kevin, he can't keep ordering you around _

"No dad, get them yourself." I say and turn to walk away

"Get back here you little shit." my dad says

I don't say anything just walk away. Then comes the hand on my shoulder and the slap the across the face. Pray for the darkness to come swiftly

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><p><em><strong>How was that, okay? Well I've got a question, Kevin suffers partly from a mental illness that makes you think there are voices in your head; I wonder if any of you lovely people can tell me the name of it?<strong>_

_**Well Review and I'll catch you all later!**_


	12. Chapter 12: Fine line

_**BOOM I'm back, it's the weekend and I'm in a good mood. :) Yeah anyway new chapter (cheers) and a round of applause for **_AvengerOFLove _**for correctly guessing what mental illness Kevin suffers from (sorta) if you want to know check the reviews page. Anyway I'll stop boring you know and get on with the story!**_

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><p><em><em>I lean against the railings of the bridge that crosses over the rial tracks. You know maybe I've been real hard on Kevin, I mean he's been through thick and thin with me. But there is also the fact that he beat me half to death. I dunno, it's all very confusing, my life up to now wasn't very confusing but now it is.

There are gaps between me and my family. Me and my friends. It's like there is just this big gap between me now. I wish my mum was here. I know she died before I ever got to know her but I think it would be a comfort to have her around now. 'Cause from what my dad tells me, his mum was always there for him, and that's what I want.

I walk to the graveyard and sit by my mums grave, I don't say anything just sit in silence. Seventeen years on my birthday, it's a bit of an unfortunate day. A few months time I'm gonna be seventeen. I can't believe I've lived this long. There have been numerous times I've wanted to kill myself. I don't know why but I just have.

I was never depressed, I just felt I could live. I wanted to be..somewhere else. I sigh, and look once more at my mums grave. Katherine Jones. Kitty for short, Kit-Kat, pet nickname. Loved by Jonathan Cade. Forever in somebody's mind who she'll never know. Might as well head home, my dad might be worried.

The only way to get from the graveyard to my house is to cut through the east side. It's pretty awkward that way. It's the last place I want to be caught in right now, but it's a risk I'm gonna have to take if I want to get home. Trudging through the east side I pull my jacket closer around my body. It's an old leather jacket, I got it on my fifteenth birthday, I haven't grown much since then. It is about the only thing that makes me look tough. My silver cross hangs loosely around the collar of my black shirt. The light catches it making patterns in the pavement.

"Johnny, please don't walk away from me. Please listen to what I've got to say." Kevin's voice fills my ears.

I look across the road and there he is, standing, a pleading look on his face. How could such an innocent looking person hurt me so. What should I do now, do I pay attention to him and see what he's got to say or do I walk away, cold shoulder him and keep my dignity in tacked. I walk away, but Kevin is persistent. He shouts on me again:

"Please Johnny. I'm sorry, I just got so angry that I threw our friendship aside, I regret every moment of what I've done, if I could I would go back and change it please. Just don't ignore me. You're the only friend I've ever had."

And that's the truth. When we were little I'd sit on my own and Kevin would sit on his own. Kevin would talk to himself and I wouldn't say anything at all. Maybe it was our oddness and uniqueness that kept us close friends. I turn deliberating over my choices. Do I forgive him, or do I not.

"Look Kevin," I say "I see that you're sorry but, that isn't going to cut it. Not even if you come and go on you knees and beg me."

"Fine I'll do just that." Kevin says running out into the road.

It all happened so fast after that, cars had been coming both ways and Kevin ran out. Nobody saw him coming and Kevin wasn't always aware of what was going on around him. The car came at him and the blood spread.

* * *

><p>I wanted to vomit, faint and die.<p>

Other people on the street came running shouting to call an ambulance and doing the right thing. I just stood there time moving at half it's normal speed. People brushed past me, barely noticing I was there. Then time moved back into place.

"KEVIN!" I shouted and ran to the side of my best friend

There was no denying it, Kevin was my best friend, the best one I'd ever had. I had just stood there not even bothering to tell him to watch out for the traffic. I looked over at the car, the windscreen was smashed and there was blood on it. Kevin's blood. My friend.

"Kid you okay?" somebody asked

I blinked a few times and realised that the person was talking to me. I couldn't say anything I seemed to have lost the ability to, I was sitting by the side of my friend who, right now, looked very much dead. His eyes were slightly closed and he was very pale

"Kevin." I choked out

"Kid you okay." they asked again

Everything stopped, it was only me and Kevin and that endless void. Then the ambulance came and I was pushed aside. Questions asked, what's his name, what happened. Nothing that was concerning me. When I saw the blood seeping out from Kevin's head. I fainted dead away, my legs giving way from under me.

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><p><em><strong>Ha ha Johnny is such a jesse (Scottish term for a weakling) but oh well. Kevin got run down! Review please!<strong>_

_**Catch all you lovely people later!**_


	13. Chapter 13: Part 1 Thin Ice

_**Chapter 13! WOW! Like brilliant! **_A.E Zurita **_your single word review made me laugh! Well enjoy the first half of the 13th chapter which I'm dedicating to my best friend Kayleigh. Not because she's dead or anything but because I miss her like crazy. So here's for you Kayleigh!_**

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><p>think I'm in fault here! It was the rocking and bumping motion that woke me up, the paramedics must have pulled me too since I passed out. I think I'm in fault because I was going to forgive Kevin when he came across the road to beg me on his knees. But then... it happened. Kevin was still out for the count. Blood splashed his t-shirt, just the sight of that made me want to puke. I placed my hands on either side of my head trying to ease the dull thumping.<p>

"Are you okay?" a hand came down on my shoulder making me jump out of my skin

Was I okay? Even then I couldn't tell myself, was I okay, was Kevin gonna be okay. It was a stupid question. With a stupid answer, you always say you're okay, when you really aren't. It's like whenever somebody asks Kevin if he's okay. He'll always say yes, even though he'll never be okay. Not with his dad around. But maybe this time Kevin _will _be okay and things will go on as normal.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I say staring dead ahead

I must look a right idiot, my eyes in a wide awkward stare, afraid to look at my blood covered friend. My life will go on as normal, Kevin will be okay. When we were younger Kevin bought this old book about reading the future and tarot cards and so on. We couldn't work it it out really, but Kevin said he could. He said he was going to have a long life, get out of Tulsa, get famous in acting, marry a super model and have two kids. I never believed him since Kevin often told lies. But it was the way he said it that day that made it believable.

"You're gonna be alright buddy. 'member long life in acting. Two kids. The wife. You'll have it Kevin." I said quietly

My face fell, Ponyboy said he was going to get out of Tulsa and make something of himself. But he's still living in the same house as he did as a kid. Sure he's famous but he doesn't even have a wife or any kids of his own. I don't know how much of _making something out of himself _has really happened.

The paramedic person opened Kevin's eyes, there was no response, no movement, no playful light. Kevin was always such a lively character, no wonder he wanted to be an actor. Kevin was going to make something of himself I was sure of it. I don't know about me though. I'm an awkward person who day dreams too much. I'm not smart or really athletic, except from track running, I don't really have many choices.

The ambulance suddenly came to a stop making me jump. I climbed out after Kevin and followed him as long as I could before I was pulled away by one of the staff people. I looked up at the doctor who was looking down on me, I was small and looked younger than I really was with my white blonde hair and green eyes.

"Where do you think you're going sonny?" he asked

"With my friend." I said confidently

"I don't think so." the doctor replied

"Why the fuck not!" I said loudly

_Why the fuck not_, I knew him, I was there, they weren't. I can tell them anything. _Anything_. So why can't they let me see him.

"Only people of a certain age can go in." the doctor said and he began to walk away

What the fuck. How young must I look. How small am I actually. Maybe I should show him in a verbal way just how old I am.

"Oi, dick head, just how young do you think I am." I said my eyes narrow

"Thirteen." the doctor said without looking back

"Wrong. I'm sixteen, Jonathan Curtis-Jones. And who you have there is Kevin Grey, he got run down and right now you'd better let me into see him." I said folding my arms

"Well you just gave us all the information we needed. And still no, you aren't allowed to see him, the doctors are busy." he said and walked away

The fucker, got info out of me and still he doesn't let me into see Kevin. The doctors are busy. That can never be a good thing. I'm forced to just wait. Waiting for somebody to come and tell me my best friend had died...

No Kevin can't die, he's the most alive person I know. He'll get better and when we're older we'll talk about both our near death experiences with a shudder. People come and go, pass through, doctors, nurses. Nobody to talk to me. It's not like I'm important. I'm just here to find out if my friend is going to be okay.

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><p>Suddenly Kevin's dad comes running in, he spots me and runs up to me a maniac look in his eyes. He's a bit creepy Kevin's dad. Chalk and cheese. I think Kevin takes after his mum more than his dad.<p>

"What happened!" he almost yells

"He got... got... run...r-r-run d-d-down." my voice is shaking

Kevin's dad looks as though he could punch me straight in the face if he wanted. I wish he would, maybe it would make me see sense, I'm all in a muddle. Everything has gone so fast!

"Mr Grey." A doctor says

"Yeah, that's me." Kevin's dad

"Please come with me." the doctor says

Kevin's dad scuttles off after the doctor. It sucks, I probably know Kevin better than his dad so why shouldn't I be allowed in. I sit and fidget and stand up by the windows. I feel weird odd, pukey, ill I dunno. I don't know how long I was standing up but somebody came up behind me giving me the fright of my life.

"Johnny." it's Kevin's dad

I fear the worst, which I shouldn't really. Don't think about the bad, they're gonna tell me Kevin's gonna be okay...

"Yes." I said quietly

The doctor and Kevin's dad exchange glances. I feel something coming, something bad. I look at the doctor and then to Kevin's dad. They look uncomfortable.

"Kevin, he didn't make it." Kevin's dad says

Vomit rises in my throat. _Didn't make it. _No Kevin can't be... dead.

"Kevin's _dead._" I say

The word tastes wrong in my mouth. I feel like I'm about to puke. I make an out of hope dash for the exit. I get round the corner from the door and puke my guts out. Maybe it's remorse that just turned my stomach inside out. But all I know is that Kevin's dead and my world's just about ended.

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><p><em><strong>WOW KEVIN'S DEAD, BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING! Probably you did but oh well. Expect more OC torture in the coming chapters. Especially to Johnny (poor diddums) well Review please and I'll see y'all later<strong>_


	14. Chapter 13: Part 2 I'm taking you down

_**I got sick today and spent the good part of the day writing this chapter, I really hope you like it. I spent ages on it and now I'm going to go sleep. Well do homework for school first! Ugh. Anyway 40 REVIEWS! PARTY TIME! Yay, I cannot believe how many reviews I've got :) Please keep reading to find out what happens.**_

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><p>I had three things to do now:<p>

(1) Go home

(2) Try not to die on the way home

(3) Not throw up again.

It has a hard task for people who were grief stricken, but how about a dazed, confused grief stricken person. Ten times harder I tell you. I kept to the pavement and tried not to get myself killed. But then again, why would that be a bad thing, I mean why would it be a bad thing if I died. Nobody would be sad if I died. My dad didn't want me, I was unplanned and if I was gone he could easily go out and do his own thing. I'm just tying him to the life he's living the now.

"Watch where you're going, crazy kid!" somebody shouted

I was pulled back from the edge of the road and looked up to see Dougie standing over me. I instantly wanted to run, run and hide. I backed up a little scuttling along the ground like a mutated crab. Dougie looked at me curiously.

"Now need to run kid, I ain't gonna hurt you. I heard what happened. How is he?" Dougie asked

It was the first proper conversation I had _ever _had with Dougie since I first met him. How do I tell somebody that somebody else has died. I opened my mouth but by then I had lost all motion of speech but oddly managed to spit out:

"Dead. Kevin's dead and gone!"

I stood up on shaking legs and tried to walk away but my legs gave way and I fell onto the pavement tears pouring down my face even though I had told myself I wasn't going to cry. I felt Dougie's arms around mine pulling me up. For once he didn't look cold and mean, only confused and depressed. More like the sixteen year old he actually was.

"I'll give you a ride home okay." Dougie said supporting me around the shoulders since I seemed to have lost capability to walk.

I zoned out between the time I was in Dougie's car and at my house. I was waking up the path to my house in a daze. I didn't even notice my dad's arms around my shoulders and his panic stricken voice. I didn't say anything I stared through him.

"Jonathan. Listen to me." my dad said forcefully

I was suddenly sick of him, he doesn't care why should he be allowed to tell me what the fuck to do. I don't care about him any more.

"No, you listen to me. I just watched my best friend get run over and then die. I nearly died myself about a week ago. I've had a near death experience today. I don't want to deal with your shit." I said

I wanted to walk away but my dad still had me by the shoulders, he was pressing in hard and I hurt. I could feel bruises forming on my shoulders. Everything was jumping about in and out of focus. I didn't want to hit the deck. Not right now. My dad finally let go of me. I just looked down.

"Kevin's dead?" my dad asked

"Yeah. Yeah he's dead. Got-got-got r-r-r-un," I couldn't even say it "I don't feel to good dad."

Blackness

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><p><em>~*The dream*~<em>

_Age 8- Summer 1974_

"_C'mon Johnny, don't be a pussy cat." Kevin called from the swings_

"_I'm not a pussy, I'm not any sort of cat. I'm just not allowed." I said honestly_

_Daddy had told me not to and I was going to do what he told me to do. I only wanted to please him and make him proud. _

"_Then if you aren't a cat, you are a chicken." Kevin called swinging higher making provocative chicken noises _

"_Shut up Kevin, I'm not a chicken." I called hastily self esteem ebbing away bit by bit_

_Kevin continued to make chicken noises until I jumped on front of the swing to try and grab him and pull him off. Only I moved in at the wrong time and got kicked in the face. Blood poured down my face and I was squealing something awful. Kevin stopped and jumped down beside me._

"_Oh my god Johnny, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to." Kevin gabbled _

"_It's okay Kevy, it wasn't your fault I got in the way." I said through tears_

_Kevin pulled me up and we walked back to my house I was still crying and my dad made an awful fuss. I told him I had got in the way. I don't think he ever believed me. Dad never really liked Kevin, maybe__I didn't either._

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><p><em>Age 14- Autumn 1980<em>

_Tree climbing was always a funny thing. I could never do it. Kevin on the other hand was just like a monkey. Climbing from branch to branch nimbly as ever. I just stood and watched. Again I was the subject of Kevin's taunting and laughter as three of our other friends laughed at me too. I just stood there feeling really dumb and stupid. I could feel the guys laughing eyes on me. I wasn't good at that sort of thing big deal._

_"You, Jonathan Curtis-Jones are thee biggest woose there is." Kevin called from the top of the tree_

_"Oh yeah." I called out of recklessness _

_I began to climb the tree and after half way up I looked down (cue discovery of Acrophobia). I fell and guess what they just laughed. _

_Feeling stupid and sad I just walked away, I wasn't waiting for Kevin's apology this time. He was one of the people who would laugh at me no matter what. He was no friend of mine. Then I felt the hand on my shoulder._

_"Where you going Johnny?" Kevin asked_

_"Home, clearly you don't want me here." I said_

_"Yeah I do I mean you're my best friend." Kevin replied_

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><p><em>Age 15- 1982 January<em>

_"I don't like it Johnny. What's with all the black. I mean you're blonde, I've never seen a blonde Goth before." Kevin said looking at my outfit _

_I frowned at Kevin, so what i though it was a cool style. Just because he's a reject of life._

_"Shut up Kevin, you don't know what you're on about." I said folding my arms_

_"Yeah I don't know what _I'm _on about." Kevin said_

_He never got over my change in style. I mean I though it was cool and my dad had no objections. But then came the teasing and tauniting at school. The word 'Goth'' and 'Bitch' followed me where ever I went, thank god I could always confide in Kevin..._

_~*End of dream*~_

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><p>Sunlight streamed through my open window. I couldn't remember much of what had gone down for last night. I had been out of it so for much of it. All I knew was that Kevin was dead and I was messed up. I sat up and rubbed my aching head. What the fuck had happened last night. One moment I was cussing out at my dad and then I didn't feel well. Then nothing. I could hear voices from the living room. I wanted to get up but my body longed to be lying down again. My stomach was fighting too. I breathed out deeply and walked into the living room.<p>

"Johnny, thank god." my dad exclaimed and grabbed me into a tight hug

What. The. Fucking. Hell. How long had I actually been out. It couldn't have been more than a couple of hours, right. RIGHT.

"What the, what happened?" I asked

"You came home and you told us Kevin was dead. You then got real mad and then when you tried to walk away you fainted. Turns you you were sick. A little bit of a fever. It's been two days kiddo, you scared me silly." dad said

TWO DAYS! No way.

"Never go off like that again kid, scare your dad half to death." Ponyboy spoke up from a corner of the living room

"You can't tell me what to do." I said, I still wasn't on the best terms with him but they were better

My head and body were aching still. Plus I still felt sick and like I was going to pass out.

"I'm going back to bed, see you." I said just as my legs gave way

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><p><strong><em>Well that was THE LONGEST CHAPTER EVER! WOW. I've got to say my Scottishness comes out really in this as I say pavement instead of sidewalk and living room intead of lounge but oh well.<em>**

**_The dream Johnny had was of him and Kevin, you'll notice a recurring pattern of things that happens. Hopefully you noticed. The last one was only earlier the year this is set. Johnny has only turned 16 and his birthday is in July. Okay :) REVIEW PLEASE! :) _**


	15. Chapter 14: This Is How I Disappear

_**I am bored out of my nutty nut nut. Yeah that's how bored I am. Anyway I just decided to update my little story! And I've nearly hit 45 reviews which is really good! So I'm well rud of myself :) Enjoy!**_

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><p>2 months later<p>

My world ended two months ago. Everything went wrong, my life went wrong. Everything changed, my innocent behaviour went with it. I sit in darkness most of the time except from when I have to go to school. Old friends ignore me, I'm totally alone. Teachers gave up on me. My grades slipped and my future went with it. My dad wasn't impressed, neither was Ponyboy. They tried to talk to me, but ignorance has become my new best friend. That along with total seclusion. I mean I've always been slightly weird, but now it's over stepped the normal.

Darkness, midnight. My dad is still up and so am I, but you wouldn't be able to tell since my room is so dark. I'm thinking. Lucky are the people who can live with no regrets. Maybe that's what has been eating away at my mind, that fact that I _watched _Kevin get run down, how _I _just stood there. How could I. 'Cause I'm a useless, stupid coward. Just like Kevin always said I was.

"Johnny." My dad appears at my my bedroom door

We've grown so apart it's like we're no longer family, just like two strangers forced to live under the same roof. He glances at my room, the white walls, scribbled over with black pencils and paint. Words of how I feel. Drawings and so on. It was my now perfect sanctuary. If my dad was going to have another one of his "I'm worried about you" lectures, he's got another thing coming.

"Yeah dad?" I asked carefully

"I'm worried about you." He said

That's it, I am officially sick of him, why does he care so much. I was never wanted. He never loved my mum. I whipped round and glared at my dad.

"No, don't be. You have no idea. You can't be worried about you don't know. And right now, you don't know me. Not for a long time." I said

"You're blaming yourself Johnny. Don't blame yourself for what happened." Dad said

"Don't blame myself," I flipped out "Kevin died because I was a stubborn ass who wouldn't say sorry. If only I had then Kevin would be alive and everything would be alright. But Kevin's dead and it's my fault, do you realise how bad that makes me feel."

My dad stared at me like I was was speaking a new language. The he grinned.

"You know something Johnny, you mum said nearly the exact same thing. Only she was talking about not loving somebody back. I forget how stubborn she was and how stubborn you are." dad said and he walked away

So there you have it, I'm more like my mum than a I thought. Maybe that's where I wanted to be right now, with my mum. I glance at my bedroom door which my dad left open. I walk over and shut it. My bedroom window opens fairly wide and it's not the first time I've sneaked out, but the first time at nearly midnight. I climb onto the window ledge and grab onto the ivy on the side of the house. I turn so that I'm kneeling looking into my bedroom. I grab onto the inside of the ledge and shimmy my way down (scratching my chest in the process). I drop when I am a few metres above the ground. I peer through the window, dad is sitting in the armchair, he doesn't even notice me.

I walk down the road and turn the corner. It's not like I'm leaving forever, so why do I feel so guilty. Maybe it's because I'm disobeying my dads trust. I begin to run, mainly because I want to get away from my house fast and I was slightly scared. I walked carefully through the darker streets until I came to the graveyard.

It was an odd thing, all the feelings kinda washed away, I felt safe, protected. Isn't it usually the other way around. Usually you get scared at graveyards. But I wasn't and even in the dark I could find my way to my mums grave. I had walked that path many times. I sat by the grave, reading through the darkness until sleepy darkness engulfed me and I knew no more.

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><p>~* The Dream *~<p>

_"Mum," the girl with the dirty blonde hair says say slowly "I'm... pregnant."_

_Silence hits, letting the affect sink in. Her mum's face contorts from worry to outrage._

_"Katherine how could you." She yells_

_"I'm sorry, I really am." the girl cries cry more tears falling down my cheeks_

_"Get out Kitty." She says turning away_

_"Mum please; listen to me." the girl pleads_

_"Get out Kitty; I want nothing more to do with you." She says_

_The girl burst into tears and run from the house._

_~* _End of the dream *~

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><p>I jerk awake and look about forgetting where I was. Damn, I wish I had brought a watch. I push myself off the ground and roll my stiff neck around. Then I stand up look over at my mum's grave once more before walking away. There is nobody in the graveyard so it must still be pretty early. Hopefully I can get back to my house without my dad noticing that I've been out all night. But it's doubtful I mean. I wander the streets taking as many short cuts as I can.<p>

I walk up my street and face my house. I hate it. I walk up the path and open the door, silence. Then a voice.

"Jonathan Dallas Curtis-Jones!"

I am _so _dead.

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><p><em><strong>Well short chapter, sorry. Review please. I got a little plan for Johnny's relationship with Soda in the next chapter and yes Johnny has changed A LOT. But it has been two months and he's even odder than he was before. <strong>_

__You don't have to read this if you don't want to

After this story is completed I am going to take a 6 to 8 moths leave from the world of Fan fiction. I have a Sims 2 series I wish to start as soon as I can and since I spend much time writing I am unable to do both so, when this story is done, I will be leaving. I might post a one shot every now and again. But not much more than that. Sorry. Oh well enjoy me while you can. **Please read all my stories and review them all, Please. But you don't have to**


	16. Chapter 15: Give 'em hell kid

_**Damn, I am a little fucker. I should of updated AGES ago. But things kept getting in the way and then when I had time I kept putting it off. Sorry. I am so bad. But please enjoy this chapter. Oh and one more thing**_

_**I have a friend called**_ FaLLiNgInReVeRsEfAn _**she has a story up called **_The Sharpest Lives _**it's really good and I am asking if you could read and review it. She never asked me to do this I am wanting to do this for her because her story is really good and I really enjoy it. Please review it**_

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><p>My dad was on me in seconds. He looked frantic, why did I have to fucking leave! Why, curse my utter stupidity. I just stood there by the door my head hanging. Dad grabbed me by the shoulders.<p>

"Where the hell were you?" he shouted

"I needed some alone time, away from here." I answered

"What... God Johnny, I was scared out of my wits. Don't ever do that again." dad said calming down slightly

"You can't stop me, I can come and go as I please." I retorted

"Johnny. I was scared that you had run away." dad said

"Like you would've cared." I said meanly

I regretted what I said almost the instant that it came out of my mouth. My dad let go of my shoulders and I looked up at him. His normally happy brown eyes were dark and daring.

"What did you say." he asked coldly

"I said that you wouldn't care if I run away. I mean me out of your life would be a good thing." I said harshly

"Is that so, maybe it would be better if you were out of my life. Then I wouldn't have to deal with a bratty teenager." dad said equally as harsh

"You hate me, don't you. You hate me. Well listen to this, you are a fucking useless dad and I hate you." I said without thinking

My dad's hand shot out suddenly and slapped me hard across the face. I guess I deserved it, but I wasn't going to put up with it.

"Slap happy are you, well I don't give a fuck." I said turning on my heels and bolting out of the door

"Johnny, I'm sorry." dad shouted but I ignored him

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><p>I ran and ran and ran until my legs felt as though they were about to give way. So my dad didn't really care, if he did he wouldn't have hit me. He hadn't before. We always used to get on when I was younger. I stopped running and I leaned against a wall shoving my hands in my jeans pockets. Everything had gone wrong in a few months. I shook my head, my dyed black hair falling in my eyes.<p>

"Why does life hate me so." I said thinking out loud

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><p>~* Soda's POV *~<p>

Why the hell did I do that. How could I hit Johnny. The last time I saw somebody hit they ran off, just like then. Ponyboy got involved in a murder. Johnny committed the murder. But now there is no specific group to hate. Then there were Socs but now, it's just plain ordinary people. But Johnny has never been ordinary. Now he's gonna hate me even more.

I walked into Johnny's room and looked around. He had repainted it black and red. Even the celling was black. I felt as though I had lost my son. He was disconnected from me. There were blood stains on his desk from the numerous time he cut himself (thankfully that had stopped). How had he lost control of his life so much.

Was it my fault. Maybe I wasn't there for him enough. Kitty would kill me. She always said that if she had a son he would be raised confident and bold like she was. Johnny... He's nothing like Kitty. Nobody could ever closely be like Kitty.

Nobody.

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><p><em><strong>Yeah short chapter, don't shoot me please. Just review. No guns, yeah that's right Eliza I'm looking at you.<strong>_

**_I've got some quick questions_**

**1) What age do you think I am**

**2) How would you rate my story (1 to 10)**

**_Thanks again :D_**


	17. Chapter 16: To The End

_**Answers to the questions on the last chapter, I am 13 years old, nearly 14 and thanks to everybody who rated my story**_

_**This is also the last chapter!**_

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><p>~* Soda's POV *~<p>

I was in the living room with Ponyboy, he was offering some comfort to the situation. It had gone twelve and I was freaking out of my mind. I just wanted Johnny to come back safe. I remembered when Ponyboy had run off, I was freaking out then. But I had Darry to support me. He kept calm and cool about the situation. Not letting his fears get to him. I wish Darry was here, to help me.

"He'll come back, just needs time to cool off." Ponyboy said

"But what if he doesn't come back. What if we have a repeat of what happened to you. I couldn't bear that again." I said hastily

"Look when we were kids, there were Socs, they had it out for us. We were greasers. Johnny is just a kid. He has nobody he needs to avoid or has anybody who would hurt him unprovoked." Ponyboy said

"That's true," I said "but still, I just wish he'd come back. I really need to tell him I'm sorry."

I felt bad, really bad. How could I have hit Johnny. I made a promise to Kitty that I'd keep our son safe. I failed her so badly. Johnny's as bad off here as he would be dead.

"I think I've failed Kitty," I said to Pony "I said I'd keep Johnny safe"

"You've done just that Soda, the kid's a teenager," Pony laughed "I mean you can't trust them for anything. I mean it was gonna happen when he fought back to you."

"That doesn't help." I said dryly

In a sense he was right. For years and years I was afraid of losing Johnny like I did Kitty. I had kept him in tight and not really given him much space to grow independently. Maybe that's why he was so snappy and sharp with people. He had no other way to do so, to lash out at people was making him feel better.

"Do you think I coddled Johnny?" I asked

Pony went a bit red and looked nervous. He scratched his neck and looked away mumbling something incoherent.

"I did? Didn't I?" I asked

"Yeah, you did a bit. But he was a premature baby you were bound to keep him a bit tight." Pony said nervously

I sighed, I had done the stupidest things to my son. Now I had drove him away from everybody. Fuck.

"What do you suggest?" Pony asked

"I dunno, wait it out. He'll come back. He always does." I said

He did always come back. Whenever he 'ran away' he'd always come back. Time after time again. If he sneaked out with Kevin he's come back and apologise. Kevin. Maybe he became friends with him so that he could act like a normal teenage boy.

"Do you think Johnny's normal." I asked Ponyboy

"Er, has our family ever been normal. I think the closest you were going to come was Kitty. But even then she was different. So no. Unique maybe." Pony said

"Fair enough." I said

I had been pacing about so I sat down next to Pony much of my worried melting away. Trust your younger brother to make you feel better, but I still felt Darry would be a good help in the situation.

"Do you ever think about Darry, Pony?" I asked

"Yeah, right now. I was thinking about how much help he would be." Pony said

Mind reader or what. I always knew that me and Pony thought alike. Even if we didn't act alike.

"So we wait." I said

"Yes we do." Pony replied

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><p>~* Johnny's POV *~<p>

Even in the dark I knew where I was. The graveyard. In the dark it was less cool more Gothic and creepy. I was standing by Kevin's grave. The only friend I had and he died. Left me to live out the shitty remainder of my life.

"I fucking hate you." I said kicking Kevin's grave

My life had gone downhill so fast, such a steep slope. I had fallen and rolled down. My dad stayed high and mighty at the top. I don't anybody. Right? No I do need people. My family only wanted what was best for me. Right? I'm slipping off the edge here. Hold onto a time when nothing mattered. When I was a little kid, the biggest worried was if I was going to the park. Now it's whether I kill myself or not.

_Why does everything end up bad for me. Why does life hate me so. _I thought

My mom's dead. My best friend's dead and I don't have any other family since my dad is going to hate me after this. Maybe it would be better if I just never came back. I sighed and looked down at Kevin's grave.

"You should have killed me that day, then it would be me under the ground. Everybody would have been better off." I said sadly

I wandered away from Kevin's grave and walked until I came to my mum's grave. For once she gave me no comfort. It was as though she was gone. My mum was no longer a part of me. I just felt like I was detached from everything. Everybody.

_What a pointless fucking life. _I thought

I walked down the hill and away from the cemetery deciding to go home. Face what was going to be thrown at me.

My houses lights were still on. My dad was going to be pissed. I walked up to my house and turned the handle preparing myself for the worst. But it wasn't what I thought was going to happen. I was expecting my dad to throw a raging fit at me. Instead he jumped on me hugging me close. I was totally confused.

"Wow, calm down dad. It's okay." I said

"Jesus Johnny. You scared me half to death." dad said

"I... did?" I questioned

"Look I've been thinking that maybe I've been to protective of you." dad said

"It's about time you realised that." I said

How could I have ever thought my dad didn't care. He was the best dad in the world and the fact that he cared too much made him so. I think the genuine poisoning of my mind after Kevin's death changed me. He said we'd be friends forever, but that's a saying. It's all just word to me. I swear this time I mean it.

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><p><em><strong>That's it, over.I had so much fun writing this! I now have some dedications:<strong>_

_**A.E Zurita**_ -You were a constant reviewer and my first, you kept me writing so much :)

_**FaLLiNgInReVeRsEfAn- **_Your reviews made me laugh so much and I'm glad I could help you with your story!

**_I'm A Treasure Hunting Greaser- _**Even when you did threten me I always enjoyed reading your reviews!

_**Skiff 1210luvu- **_My best friend and personal spell checker, lol. Love you (in a friend way) thanks your reviews!

_**I might post an epilogue if anybody wants me to. Well catch you all later, please review!**_


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